Buick's
interpretation of "sport-tuned" is of course measured on a different
scale. The 245/50R18 tires provide enough stick to hold on to the
Lucerne's prodigious mass, but chucking it into a fast left still has
it leaning farther to the right than Dubya. The 44-foot turning circle
(ya can't cram a 4.6 into a front-driver without consequences) is
unwieldy for a car of any size, and throwing in a little panic braking
mid-corner has the Lucerne see-sawing around its axis unsteadily. But
no one drives their own Buicks this way, do they?
Under some
conditions, the Lucerne's ride could also use further refining. Small
and sharp ridges get swallowed like they don't exist, but even with the
CXS's Magnetic Ride Control (which uses magnetically-charged particles
to more readily alter the oil viscosity in the shock absorbers),
higher-amplitude lumps bring back that old-time Buick buoyancy,
indicating a suspension with more softness than skill. Somewhat
alarming is how driving down certain hills can suddenly plunge the fuel
gauge reading from 3/4ths of a tank to ZERO, setting off the Low Fuel
alarm before bouncing back five seconds later, as if nothing happened.
The
real shocker is the Lucerne's response time. Because its steering wheel
turns just 2.4 times from one end to the other - Buick wheels used to
turn nearly as far in one direction - the Lucerne jumps to a new
heading with a flick of a finger. Is faster better? It can be, though
the idea of fitting a softly-sprung 4,013-pound giant with a faster
steering ratio than a Ferrari F430 invites the question: who let the Pontiac engineers in here?
And
what of technology? I can't name another $35,000 sedan that still limps
by with a 4-speed automatic transmission; the gaps in the Lucerne's
power curve are pronounced by today's standards. Dip into the
sub-$30,000 end of the Lucerne range also brings to light the hoarse
all-iron 3.8-liter V6 that pre-dates this car by about four decades and
has no more than 197 horsepower to show for it. The LaCrosse's 3.6-liter DOHC V6 would make a far more suitable base engine.
Stick
with the Northstar and the more straightforward streets and the Lucerne
leaves a lot to like. Comfort, competence, and smoothness are the
watchwords 90% of the time. But awarding the engineering side with a
more consistent mission and a bigger budget wouldn't hurt.
Now with its state of the art facilities like that of
its Buick Reatta EGR Valve and the like.